Despair

I sent this to a Prayer Group

I just had a baby and I am feeling quite blue. I can't
quit crying. My children need me. I do not feel very
motivated at all. My faith is faltering. Smiles
for me are just on the outside. I do not want the
Meds. I want God to heal me. My husband says I am going
through this for a reason, but I can't really see what
that could be. From my perspective, I am tired of suffering.
I am tired of fighting the demons of the past, present and
future. I have asked and begged God to make me better.
It only happens for small amounts of time. I want to
accomplish so much, really my heart desires to play with
my children,to be super mom and super wife. I think about it and even
dream about it, then at the end of every day i see i have just barely
held things together, and its no better than before. My heart really
desires to behappy, for peace to fall upon me.
Instead, I walk around upset and a
disfigurement upon my face. Or maybe I smile but not truly. How do I
change the way I think and feel towards everything, everybody, and
life in general? If i am not holding up to my expectations, certainly
i am not holding up  to anyone else's. I miss my mom, I wish I had
family who could come help with the the children. Even if just for a
moment. Everyone thinks that because I have a teen than I have all the
help I need. It's not true. Everything is a battle, all of my children
have regressed to immaturity since the birth of the baby. No one knows
how to do anything. It like they have all forgotten what I taught
them. I don't feel strong enough for this. I am not suppose to do
anything because of C-section. I will follow doctors instructions. I
have had too many times when I thought I knew best and hurt myself in
the end. My husband and I really haven't a support group. You know
friends or family to help. My husbands mom lives down the street, she
comes up all the time to help my husbands sister. I want her help too.
I have told her that I needed some help, she doesn't offer. My mother
told me one time I was just too helpless, so this makes me feel
ashamed to feel this way. In fact It must be the grace of God that I
am even able to tell all this stuff. Many years ago  I wouldn't have
said a word to a soul. None of our family came to see us in the
hospital when I had the baby, I feel very bitter about this. I am
sorry for dumping this on this group. I am really nervous about the
way I am feeling. The last time I started feeling like this eventually
it became very bad. Please pray for me, for God's provision on my
life. Please pray that God make me mentally capable for this life that
I have. Please pray for restoration.